I felt like I had let myself down and women down

Written by: Anonymous, 33, London

I was at Bristol University in the early noughties and had been with my new boyfriend for only a couple of weeks when Valentine’s Day came around.

We went out, got back late and, well, one thing led to another… we didn’t use any protection. I felt like an idiot. I felt like I had let myself down and women down.

Looking back: why was I conditioned to feel like that? That’s the first bit of anxiety. Then comes the doubly daunting trip to a pharmacy. I didn’t know what to expect?

From the get go I felt like I was a special case, ushered into a private room to discuss my promiscuity with a random man. It felt evasive back then, and none of his business quite frankly. I left feeling I had done something wrong, and had been terribly foolish. My boyfriend paid, but I couldn’t help feeling down in the dumps about the whole experience, I was low for the next few days, possibly even longer. It had a real effect on me.

It’s only now, that I am Mum of three and married to that said boyfriend, that I realise how important it is for all women to share their experiences to break the silence around these experiences. Feeling bad about being responsible is the wrong message for the modern world. I wanted to share my story to hopefully help other women to not feel bad about taking responsibility for their lives.